Free yourself from your own mind
How emotional abuse shatters your self-esteem
Written by Dr. Madiha Khan
Low self-esteem can develop due to multiple reasons. Most often, the roots of it can be traced back to childhood. A child’s worldview is very ego-centric. They believe that if something happens around them, it must be for them or because of them. Therefore, children can be quite vulnerable to any kind of criticism. If they hear condescending or humiliating words or detect harshness in tones or expressions, they begin to think that they must have done something wrong to deserve it. If they experience this repeatedly, their belief about not being good enough will be reinforced to the point of becoming a fact for them.
Not only adults including teachers and parents, but also their peers affect how a child perceives themselves. That’s why bullying can have a long-lasting and devastating impact on children. Words like fat, ugly, stupid, or useless can actually make a child question their self-worth and develop a negative mindset, shattering their self-confidence, that they are not good enough and can never amount to anything.
We also see self-esteem issues developing in adulthood for some people. These people might already be vulnerable to having low self-esteem since childhood and a trigger in adulthood will push them over the edge. Then there are some people who may have perfectly healthy self-esteem as a child but develop issues later on as an adult, by being in a long-term toxic situation or relationship. Being around one or more people with dysfunctional ways of thinking and coping can become quite exhausting and if the interaction or relationship becomes prolonged then it can be quite damaging as well. If we are living or working with someone who likes to put people down, taunt them, or humiliate them; at some point our self-esteem might start getting affected. We might start questioning our own character and develop a negative perception of ourselves.
Regardless of whether self-esteem issues develop in childhood or adulthood, any time we start recognizing that our sense of self-worth is low, we need to pause and think. We need to put a stop to the voices in our heads (whether they belong to the past or the present) that constantly tell us that we are not good enough; and ask ourselves what being good enough means to US.
What intrinsic values do we believe in? And are we living up to them? Do we believe in values like honesty, integrity, hard work, kindness, compassion, intellectual growth, perseverance, fairness, standing up for the weak or oppressed? If we resonate with any of these values and relate to them as something we believe in, then gauging success in terms of these values rather than achievements, milestones or a set standard of worldly success can give us clarity on the true meaning of self-worth.
Madiha Khan, MD - Psychiatrist
Dr. Madiha Khan is an American board certified psychiatrist skilled in evidence based psychiatry, psychotherapy and women’s mental health.
Do you need assistance?
